all the time & zoetrope
all the time
it's that time of the year there’s nothing but bones left in the fridge
moss grows in the alley my bark is as loud as the frost bites
i feast here and there off and on little memories of you to keep me full
i keep the door locked i haven't dreamt of you
since you last asked the urge to rot festers
this morning on the train i stare out the window
my only appetency: to turn your pockets inside out searching before it's too late
as if i could catch you leaving with bits and pieces of me what did you take?
i can’t remember even if i wanted to Mariella, you're so selfish i hear you
all the time i’m forgetting como resuena mi nombre cayendo de tu lengua
i love you
like a runaway train desire roams through me
EMERGENCY reads the bar above the window FORGET the string on my finger reminds me
i crack the window open To cry No to sing
zoetrope
before bed i wash the corners of my mind
you hide in with sepia
it bleeds onto the pictures
that hide under coats of dust
the way a wounded child hides
within the thickened skin of an adult
each memory vies for a spot in the zoetrope
that spins safflower oil stills around and around
from the back to the front of my mind
i am reminded of the way time dissolves
in the light of flashbulb memories
that just like you waited patiently in the dark
for the right time to consume me
did you know that catharsis looks like everything falling
apart
and harmonizing into the perfect spiral
it goes on and on
accidental gaze through a curio cabinet of possibilities
a fresh patch of universe
where every what-if glitters
and i can’t help but wonder
what lives behind every door
just to spin back around
and around
i sink into a puddle
of a dioxazine midnight sky
treasure trove settled into the parking lot
and find my lighter against the black top
the next morning
flames catch
at my gamsol-soaked fingertips
and all the worlds i’ve dreamt up
that are small enough to burn
//
Mariella Isabel Acevedo (she/her) is a third-generation Mexican American writer from Aurora, Illinois. She studies Creative Writing at the University of Illinois Chicago (but most of the studying actually happens on the train to and from campus). Her work appears in Voyage YA and Graphê. You can also find her on the BSB roof with a notebook
